Still Thinking

I can't quite figure out my thinking process over that last few days - Having a hard time putting into words what is going through my head & heart. There really is a sense of sadness surrounding me the past few days. I never thought that Father's Day would be hard yet it was. It was everything I could do to keep it together. And I was so grateful someone didn't come up and say "So how are you today" - Didn't want to answer that and didn't want to cry.

Father's Day has always been a strange day for me anyway - I grew up without one. He left when we were young. Although we had contact with him at first he eventually moved out of state and basically did not have any connection with him. Its funny because as a child that was the norm - not having a dad around was 'okay' because we had a Mom who loved us. Having that stable force or foundation made a huge difference. Did I miss having a dad? You bet. As someone said on Sunday "Dad's need to love their little girls" - and mine didn't. There is a loss there.

Yet - has my life been miserable because of it? Nope - not at all. Are there things I have had to work out? You bet! It took awhile to not get use to those strong tugs on the heart when I would see a Dad walking with his daughter hand in hand. I missed out but I was not deprived.

Maybe thats why I titled this blog "God's Faithfulness Revisisted" - I am constantly looking at where I am now and where I have come from - the one constant thing in my life has always been His Faithfulness.

1. It was His Faithfulness that carried my Mom through raising 3 kids alone. She was Mom & Dad. And despite what she had to work with she did a great job if I do say so myself ;)
2. It was His Faithfulness that has protect us from the lifestyle my Dad chose.
3. It was His Faithfulness that ..........

I will have to keep thinking on this list because it could potential get very long. Guess that is why the sadness has been there for the past few days. One of the constants in my life is no longer there. The mom who was always there - who had been there for all of my life is no longer here.

One of my favorite words is "Process" - life is a process - nothing happens in an instant. Everything has a certain order in how things happen or pull together. This is certainly a process and I am convinced that even though it may get easier with time - the loss will never go away.